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Together but still alone    

Many have a lot of friends on facebook but still life can feel lonely. Covering one's own shortcomings feeds the difference, even though there are lots of friends in life.

The most important jargon of modern life is that we seem to be with everyone but, at the same time, a huge number of people experience almost lamentable loneliness. Loneliness has started to be a epidemic of the 21st century.

About 20 percent of people have experienced loneliness at some point in their life. It is important to separate the solitude from of being alone. People have the natural need to be with others. By loneliness this need is not met.

"Moving to a new place is a typical situation where loneliness touches and needs to be addressed," says one psychologist.

Loneliness can also affect those who have interpersonal relationships

- Then the lonely one can not produce, by means of memories, dreams and imagination, in his own mind the experience of security. He can not comfort himself.

Sometimes loneliness becomes shameful. At its core, there is the feeling that there is something in itself, the expression of which leads to being rejected.

- Man is afraid that if he reveals to others genuine himself, he will not be fit. The rejection experience makes it so bad that it is being avoided by keeping the human relationships superficial and by anticipating what others want

Broken heart

Loneliness is not diagnosed as a disease, but it goes hand in hand with, among other things, depression and many serious physical illnesses. New studies from the University of Chicago show that the risk of dying of loneliness is twice as high as obesity and almost as high as smoking.
In addition to death, loneliness also increases the risk of illness: a study published in the Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery and Psychiatry revealed that elderly people with lonely feelings are 64% more likely to be diagnosed of dementia than those of the same age who were not lonely.
Animal studies have revealed that loneliness triggers nervous changes aimed at protecting the individual from the dangers - though lonely is the easiest mouthpiece for the beasts. The same processes as the evolutionary remnant also work in man.

A lonely heart can literally break, as long-term solitary sufferers have a higher risk of getting inflammatory diseases. Again, they can cause tissue damage leading to heart disease. Loneliness is sometimes a chilling experience. The University of Toronto study found that loners know more than average physical coldness.

Neurobiological studies show that experience of loneliness activates the same area of the brain as physical pain.

No friends

Studies show that children of elementary school age already feel a constant loneliness.

- A lonely child feels different from others. In the background, there are often changes in family circumstances such as divorce and moving to a new place.

Very often, loneliness is the first symptom that a child or a young person can not be psychologically or socially well. Yet, one with depression - which solitary childhood strongly predicts - has the opportunity to get help.

Scientists are most concerned about the loneliness of boys, which was deep and emotional in a study. Boys are distressed when there is no close and dependable friend. Parents can show the child an example of how friendships are handled. Children should be encouraged to go to places where they can practice their social skills: garden, park, club and hobbies.

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Are you lonely?

A busy life also affects our ability to face others. Stress nourishes loneliness as it narrows the emotional life.

- When attention has been paid to the work and the threats it poses, relationships and high quality "slow" time with others may seem secondary. When natural relaxation in the company of others is reduced, often intoxicants and addictions are replaced. They are starting to replace human relationships and support.

Whether socially active or not, loneliness can still tear people deep and firm. In August 2014 actor Robin Williams committed suicide, but made a painful perception already in 2009:

"I used to think that the worst thing in life is to end up alone. Is not. The worst thing is to end up with people who make you feel lonely. "

This can be called concealed loneliness, and social media often only strengthens it. It emphasizes the superficial, socializing of the rulers, which also has very narcissistic features.

- The images that emerge in social media emphasize flawlessness. For others, it's just that one's own life is wonderful. Likewise, the pressures of success in working life will protect people so that their own vulnerability does not seem to appear.

However, we should also get approval for our own shortcomings and weaknesses. It is a necessary prerequisite for experiencing deeper relationships.

Loneliness is not a prison

Loneliness may not be totally dissipated, but speaking about the subject generally opens up great spiritual gates.

For people there are groups organized by organizations and parishes. People can also study at different courses or practice sports, culture, crafts or camping, for example.

Participants' commitment and well-being are most beneficial when people can feel themselves influenced by planning their activities.


A lonely young person needs above all the listening and encouragement of the parent. Parents' support strengthens positive emotions and strengthens self-esteem. Even the slightest improvement in self-confidence encourages the formation of human relationships. Instead, do not ask, "Why do not you have friends?" Blaming just exacerbates the young person.


Many young people can find good friends through the net. For example, discussion boards related to hobbies are cool channels to find good company. However, it is a good thing for a parent to make sure that a young person is able to avoid the pitfalls of online debates and forums - always the web is not what it claims to be.

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