There is no such thing as a perfect childhood
Are bad childhood memories useful or harmful? That's what you decide for yourself.
Only a few have had an ideal childhood. There are many people involved in childhood worries with parents' divorce or health problems. Others have been blinded by intoxicants, financial problems or excessive materialism.
Instability, the lack of borders and love, or even the excessive support of a parent to a child, will leave their mark and follow up on adulthood and relationship with their own children.
How to deal with this? Do you like to dig into your own childhood memories and try to learn from your parents' mistakes in order to provide a better childhood for their offspring?
An illusion of a good childhood
All parents make mistakes, so good childhood does not mean complete childhood. No one can offer any ideal education, and fortunately it is not necessary.
- Children are bred for life, and life is not perfect. It is therefore important for children to experience disappointment, even if it is good that they are on a suitable scale, given the age and level of development, says psychologists
It is not just a legend that the most important thing for a child is the active presence of parents in this life and a sense of security. Along with it, the mother and father continually have opportunities to show the child that this is a valuable and loving self, which is essential for the development of self-esteem.
Good childhood also includes clear limits and a lot of love.
It is also important for children to experience contradictions and difficulties. Parents do not have to strive to never argue with their children. It is essential to settle the dispute in a constructive way, and to empathize the situation afterwards.
Insecurity spoils childhood
Things go bad if a child is confronted with shocking experiences such as a loss of a family member or a serious illness or parent’s divorce and does not have the necessary help and support from the adult to handle them.
Such traumatic situations can cause long-lasting, even permanent harm to the child's psyche.
Well-being and development are also affected by the more difficult traumas that prevent children from getting their attention and warmth - for example, a cramped atmosphere in the home, missing parents, or their poor relationship. Parental personal problems are also reflected in children.
Knowledge of family worries, too early responsibility for themselves and others makes childhood insecure. Then it is difficult to remember the childhood with a warm heart.
Protected or concealed childhood?
Childhood experiences create the foundation for trust, empathy and the ability to recognize and express emotions. What he actually faced as a child is inevitably affected by the kind of adult what comes from each one. In that sense, analyzing childhood can help to better understand oneself and their loved ones.
Memories of one's own childhood often change over time.
As a young person, feelings can be mixed about parents' breeding methods and if puberty is stormy, memories may also become more negative year after year.
Adulthood and the establishment of a family make people generally appreciate more about their own parents' efforts. Sometimes growing up with your own children or, for example, a serious illness or death of a parent will bring horrible, hidden memories and trauma to the surface. Those memories have been buried deep by the self-defense mechanism of the mind as those were too hard to handle.
Domestic violence is particularly vulnerable. At that time, evil is usually done by a person who should have been specifically concerned with the welfare of the child, loving it and guaranteeing the child's safety.
Treatment for self and others
It is always advisable to handle serious trauma with the assistance and supervision of a professional. It is worth doing not only for oneself, but also for their close ones.
Psychology Today, an article on abuse survival, mentioned that one of the three victims of exploitation end up being responsible for abusing their own close ones. It is certainly the most serious reason to see the trouble of dealing with painful things with a professional, even though it may be a process of years and seem somewhat embarrassing.
You can go for help from a health center doctor or healthcare provider, from the private sector or from a crisis center network. Even less dramatic childhood events can subconsciously complicate their own lives significantly.
The experiences of childhood are visible in our every human relationship, both in good and bad. Early experiences often affect self-image, which, in turn, plays an important role in what each individual feels.
If he feels himself ineffective and ill, his own intimate interpersonal relationships often form to be treated as being treated as such.
A traumatized child may feel guilty or defective for a long time, sometimes until the end of his life.
Even though such emotions could have been dealt with in their own way, it is still to be tolerated that the only adults in this life have been in many ways a big disappointment.
Learn from the past, don't stay there
There must be room for maneuver for the thoughts. In practice, it means pondering the meaning of experiences not only from oneself but also from other perspectives.
When thinking about parenting, it is good to try to understand what factors might have influenced her in her personal history or family's present situation. However, it is important to remember that although many things can be understood, your feelings are still legitimate.
Excessive and even damaging feelings are always being approached from the same point of view, and no progress: the mind revolves again and again in the same things.
If you feel that your thoughts are doing a lot of time somewhere else than in the present, it is not useful. Always remember that life is here and now.
Get those locks open
Pressing the memories on the back and suppressing emotions is bound by a lot of psychic energy. So it gets tiring. When in mind there is a closed area that is not suitable to go, it often appears as different boundaries in your thinking and action. Deciding whether to really go ahead, or to feel guilty of herself or others, has to be done by herself.
The right aid can be found by honestly identifying your childhood. Was there alcoholism at home? Were the parents always at work? Then it is likely that the children did not get enough time and attention or affection.
A new perspective
Sometimes reading a book written from the right angle or an open conversation with a sibling or a good friend can make life easier.
Talking with a psychologist can help you gain new perspectives for your situation. Psychotherapy is a good option when in the past there are obviously serious or disturbing things, or if the symptoms are present or impede or limit the life.
In the best case, the identification and handling of childhood pains can help one become more complete for oneself. At the same time, you may encounter such memories in yourself that you may not want to be aware of but still exist.
It often gives a better touch to who he is and he begins to live more that life that he hopes for.